Sorrow,
Sweet Sorrow
Annie Moore's hands
trembled as she pulled the large package across the mail counter from Sam Owens.
The storekeeper was the White Hole Springs postmaster among other duties in the
small town in the Missouri Ozarks. A very bad feeling crept over Annie as she
gingerly touched the wrapping. Closing her eyes briefly, she sent up a quick
prayer to God that she could handle whatever it contained. She felt certain it
had to do with Matthew. He had left five weeks ago to dig ginseng as well as
get some fishing and hunting in during Indian summer. There were places nearer
to home than where he had headed by Springfield, but those places he saved for
winter months. Ginseng harvest was best from September through December so he
tried to make the most of it while he could. He'd only planned to be gone for
three weeks so he'd be home for Annie's birthday on September 23. Now, the
first week of October was behind them and no word from Matthew. Annie had a
couple of friends whose husbands would leave for months at a time, then return
home for a few weeks and then leave again, usually leaving their wives
pregnant. However, her Matthew wasn't like that. He loved her and he adored
their daughter.
Glancing
down at her daughter's upturned face and tiny braids, Annie felt the icy finger
of fear clutch at her. Unconsciously she tightened her grip on Linnie's hand as
her other hovered over her slightly rounded stomach. Only Matthew and Annie,
and Minnie Hawkins, knew of Linnie's long awaited sibling. Annie had told
Matthew a few days before he'd left, once she was sure. With the loss of two
babies before Linnie, and the difficulty of the pregnancy with Linnie, he'd
been hesitant to leave. She'd laughed and said now was better than later and
besides, the extra money from the ginseng would be a blessing. Besides, she was
older now, maybe things would be easier.
Not being
able to handle the thoughts and fears running through her mind while standing
there in a public place, Annie grabbed the packaged and hurried Linnie towards
the door. "Thanks much, Sam," she whispered as she turned away. She
wasn't sure exactly what she was planning. She wanted to dump that package in
the river and head home and find Matthew there waiting. However, the rational
part of her mind told her that was silly and she'd never know if it concerned
Matthew or not if she threw it away.
Forgetting
all about the groceries that she'd set on Sam's counter and the ice cream she'd
promised Linnie at the hotel, Annie hurried over to where she'd tied her old
donkey, Jehoshaphat. Hoisting Linnie in to the back of the cart Minnie's
husband, Bill, had loaned her, Annie then picked up the package and put it next
to her precious daughter. Annie climbed up and snapped the reins and
Jehoshaphat started off at his typical plodding pace. It wasn't a short trip to
the cabin her grandparents had built when they migrated from Kentucky was on
the banks of Lake Wamatosa. As the last
of her line, it was Annie's home. The only she'd ever known.
***
It took a
couple of hours for the return trip and Jehoshaphat knew the way. As they rode
over the bumpy and windy trail, Annie's mind went back to Matthew and their
small family and short life together. Married when she was just three months
shy of 15; Annie had loved Matthew for longer than she could remember. They'd
been courting since she was 14 and had planned to get married when she was 16.
The tragic deaths of her parents had left her all alone. Matthew had been 20
and had been on his own since his mother had died three years previous. He'd
been supporting his mother since he was seven after his father had passed away
from a heart attack. A surprise baby to older parents, much like John to
Elisabeth and Zacharias in the New Testament, Matthew had known from a young
age that his parents wouldn't see him raise his own family. Ozark life was not
easy. After his mother had passed,
Matthew had joined Bill Hawkins working for the US Forest Service. When Annie's
parents died and Matthew had gotten word, he came straight home. Straight to
her. Sam Owens, doing his duty as preacher, had married them in the back room
of his store with his wife, Martha, as witness.
Thankfully,
Jehoshaphat could be counted on and before Annie realized it, she was safely
home. She remembered nothing of the journey. She hadn't even noticed Minnie
Hawkins holler, "Hello!" as she passed by their cabin.
Now it
was late afternoon. Annie slid down from the cart and looked at her daughter.
Linnie was sound asleep, using that blasted package as a pillow. Hating to
disturb her, but know that the time was now right to open the package, Annie
carefully eased it out from Linnie's small head. Leaving the child to sleep,
she took the few short steps to her rocker on the porch. Easing herself down,
she placed the package in her lap and looked at it carefully.
The
packaged was addressed to Mrs. Matthew
Moore
Vicinity
White Hole Springs, MO
The return label was smudged and she could only make out
the words Wagon Trail. She knew that was near where Matthew had his digging
grounds. He wouldn't have sent a package home. And he would've addressed it
differently.
Setting
her shoulders against the dread that had intensified inside, she told herself,
"Annie Linn Moore you can handle this.
You have made it through hard times; you will make it through
this." Always careful to save things that might be useful, she picked at
the knots on the strings tied 'round the package until they fell away. Then she
carefully pulled the paper covering open with plans to fold it for reuse. That
is until she pulled enough back to see the drab dusty green cloth of Matthew's
backpack.
Not
conscious of what she was doing any longer, she slid to the porch floor. "God, what have you done to me? Not Matthew, too. You've taken Mama and
Daddy, then my two babes. Now Matthew?
He promised me. God, he promised me he'd always come back and you took
him!"
An
envelope slid out of the partially unwrapped package. With trembling hands,
Annie tore it open. She pulled out the paper inside and began reading. It was
short.
"Mrs. Moore,
I regret to inform you that
your husband's body..."
Then the sobs came. The letter slipped from her
nerveless fingers and she lay on the porch sobbing, pleading with God that it
was a mistake.
That is
where the Owens' and Hawkins' found her some time later. Sam, being concerned at the young mother's appearance
when he'd handed her the package and her abrupt departure from the store
without the goods she'd purchased, had closed his store as quickly as could rid
himself of the other customers and round up his wife. They'd boxed up Annie's
groceries and headed toward her cabin.
Along the
way, they'd encountered Bill and Minnie walking along the trail in the same
direction. Minnie, being worried about her friend's lack of response as she'd
driven by, had waited until her husband had come in from his fields to head
over. They'd left their two small children with his mother.
As they
foursome reached the clearing around the cabin, the thin wail of a small girl
was clearly heard, "Mama, I wanna' get out! Mama, where you go? Mama!!" Minnie hurried to Linnie, still
in the cart, and lifted her out gently, hugging her close to console her. The
Owens and Bill had bent over something on the porch.
Fear
knotted Minnie's stomach as she drew closer. She saw Martha Owens sit down and
put an arm around Annie's shoulders. Sam picked up a green pack off the floor.
Minnie gulped; she recognized that pack. Bill had one just like it at home from
his time with the Forest Service. Then her eyes lit upon the white paper in her
husband's large hand. She saw his hand tremble and tears fell from her eyes
before he said a word. Her husband, so strong and steady, was trembling with
emotion, something that she rarely saw him do in public.
"Mrs. Moore," he began, "I regret to inform you that your husband's
body was found near the base of a cliff outside Wagon Trail. He appears to have
fallen and died of injuries from that fall.
We had great difficulty locating you, and have buried his remains near
where he fell. His name was inside this pack, which was found near his body. A month has passed since his body was
discovered. We found his last known location through the Forest Service
records. Again, we are sorry to inform you of this tragic accident.
Sincerely,
George Bryant,
Mayor
Wagon Trail, MO
***
Four
months later, Annie felt the unmistakable signs of labor. "Too soon. Too
soon," she wept as she bent over the table where Linnie was eating her
supper. She still had two months to go.
"How
can I go this alone?" The other times Matthew had been with her. And with
Linnie, there'd been time to get Martha Owens, the midwife. As another
contraction seized her, Annie heard steps on the porch.
"Matthew,"
she gasped, knowing God had answered her prayers and it had all been a mistake.
"Knock,
knock, Annie," Minnie's voice rang out from the doorway. "Bill
brought me over to see how you were faring after the last storm." This
last was spoken as she entered the cabin. Looking at her friend, Minnie tried
to smile, even as she saw the grief and fear on Annie's face.
"Oh,
dear."
"Minnie,
I can't do this alone. I can't do this again..."
Quickly
sizing up the situation, she said, "Get Linnie's coat and shoes."
Then she opened the door and told Bill as he walked up the step, "Harness
back up. Take Linnie to your mother. Get Martha Owens and get back here as
quickly as possible."
Bill
opened his mouth to ask what in tarnation she was talking about when he heard a
low moan from inside the cabin. Peeking around his wife's shoulder, he saw the
pain on Annie's face as she hunched over, and the fear on Linnie's as she
watched her mother. He gently shoved
Minnie aside and scooped up Linnie. The little girl had gotten her shoes. With practiced
ease, he slipped them on to her feet. He grabbed a quilt from the nearby rocker
and wrapped her up.
Looking
at Annie he said, "She'll be fine." Turning to Linnie he said,
"Now Linnie, give your Mama a kiss and then come with me. Jess and Leander have been asking when you were
going to come and see them."
In
moments, he was hurrying up the trail. Minnie eased Annie in to bed. Not a
midwife with the formal training of Martha Owens, Minnie was still quite competent
and had helped bring several babies into the world.
***
By the time
Bill returned with Martha a few hours later, little Matthew Isaac Moore had
entered this world and then left it with hardly a sound. He'd spent his brief
hour of life in his mother's arms, with big blue eyes that seemed to hold the
wisdom of the ages looking up at her. His breathing had been shallow and
finally he sighed and closed those eyes.
Annie felt his soul leave his tiny body and she sat silently. She had no
more tears left to cry. So much had been
taken from her in her short 21 years.
***
Minnie
stayed with Annie for a week, helping her as she regained her physical
strength. Bill had prepared a small grave up on the hillside, near her parents
and the two other small babies she'd lost. He brought Linnie with him that day
and left her cuddling with her mother in the big bed Annie just couldn't seem
to leave. Not quite ready to care for her daughter, Annie had asked Bill and
Minnie if they could keep her a few more days. Minnie had given Bill a quick
look and nodded before taking Linnie to the wagon.
"Bill,
I'm going to stay a couple more days. I'm afraid this is too much for Annie.
She's so young and she's had so much sorrow."
Caressing
his wife's cheek, Bill smiled at her, "You do that. She needs you. We do
too, but Annie needs you more right now. Stay a couple more days."
***
By the
end of the week, Annie realized that nothing would bring her baby back, or
Matthew. If this latest tragedy hadn't brought him back, she was sure nothing
would. Nothing short of a miracle from God. And she'd kind of given up hope in
Him. It was time for her to focus on what she still had. She had a home and a
precious daughter to care for. She did not know how she would provide
everything for her little girl - there was still her father's shotgun. She
could hunt game and they wouldn't starve. Not with that and the garden. Next
fall she would be able to dig ginseng. There were so many things in the woods
that could feed and provide for them - she had learned from her mother, as her
mother had learned from her mother,
all the traits of the herbs and berries in the woods. Still, she would need
money for some things.
As Minnie
gathered her things and finished tidying the cabin one more time for Annie
before Bill brought Linnie home and Minnie returned to hers, Annie closed
herself in to the bedroom. She had decided to give God one more chance to
actually help her. If nothing came of this last prayer, then she knew she was
all on her own.
She knelt
by her bed, asking God to guide her and help her be able to provide for her
daughter. It wasn't the tearful prayer
that she'd offered after Matthew died, pleading for his return. It wasn't the
heartbroken prayer that she'd uttered as little Matthew lay dying in her arms.
It was actually more of an ultimatum. As she began to rise from the floor, she
heard a voice say, "Look down, daughter." Startled, she looked down
and saw a small card sticking out of a crevice in the wood flooring, under the
bed. She'd swept that floor more times than she could count and never had seen
this.
On the
card were a man's name and an address in New York State. She suddenly
remembered the visitor just a few weeks before her parents were killed. A man
who didn't seem much older than her Matthew had come to the cabin with Sam
Owens. He wanted some land to build a hunting lodge. He'd been wounded in
Vietnam and wanted to invest in somewhere he could have some peace away from
the world. He was a little tired of the world, he'd said. Linnie's grandparents
had purchased quite a bit of land on both sides of the lake when they'd first
come from Kentucky. Her father had told this young man that he wasn't sure how
much he would be willing to part with, but he thought they could come to some
agreement. The man had told him to get in touch with him when he was ready to
sell and left this card. Her parents had talked it over and had decided to
write to him and make a deal when they'd returned from a trip to Kentucky to
visit some family. They'd never returned, a train crash had taken their lives. Annie had totally forgotten about this
Andrew Belden. It had been over six years since her parents had died. She'd
lived in this house every day and never once seen this card. She had no idea
where it had been, but she realized that God hadn't totally abandoned her. She
would write a letter to this man and see if he was still interested in a
peaceful hunting lodge in the Ozarks. Maybe he wasn't interested any longer.
Maybe he'd bought a sheep farm in Iowa for all she knew. But maybe, just maybe
he was still wanting her land. And maybe someday she would feel like miracles
could happen again.
Word count 2774
4-15-19
Author's
notes: Okay I haven't written fanfic in like a decade. And
I've just felt the urge to get back in to it. I've self-edited this. I teach
reading all day so hopefully I can catch my own mistakes. If not, I'm sorry.
I've always liked Bob-White Cave - even though Trixie is a brat and Honey
reverts back to some of her pre-Trixie behaviors. Linnie interested me. And so
does her mother. Life could not have been easy at all. In my long neglected universe,
the girls are all born in 1977. That would put the time of this story to be
1981-82. I grew up in a rural area that looks like a metropolis compared to Linnie's
world, but I could relate to a few things. This is what I came up with. Hope
you like it and maybe, just maybe I'll get back to more fanfic writing. Oh, and
I've taken the name for this story from the song Matthew Moore had made up and
Annie had taught to Linnie (see page 124 in Bob White Cave - random house
edition).
